Expressions

I wish I were an extrovert: Izzy Eze

I wish I were an extrovert.

It seems more socially acceptable to be sociable in a society that favours small talk over silent communication.

The curiosity over the weather’s condition suddenly becomes more intriguing than simply contemplating what the other person is thinking.

It’s now, the norm, to choose openness over observation, as if every parent’s instruction to not speak to strangers were actually pointless conversations,

Actions, no longer speak louder than words,

But words, no matter how wise or foolish must be spoken and heard, even when the sound echoes through empty hallways, vibrating into ears that were never truly listening,

Are you even listening?

It’s interesting,

How fake we’ve become.

 

How scared we’ve become to become ourselves,

How we refuse to be different,

How they, refuse to understand our differences.

And now,

Individuality, becomes the lonely, unwanted visitor that knocks on the door that nobody opens even though everybody is home, busy trying to act as cool as the person sitting next to them.

Either that or,

We pathetically sit in the corner wondering why extroverts don’t seem to ‘get us’ when we wouldn’t dare allow them to do so in the first place.

And so, we encourage the stereotype…

That introversion is some sort of disease that needs curing

As if there’s something wrong with the way that our brains were made, they

Diagnose us with timidity or rudeness, for not wanting to be seen or spoken to all the time,

They don’t realise that small talk sounds like white chalk slowly scratching the surface of Mr Jones’ old blackboard,

You’re only speaking to me ‘cos you have to.

So let me put you out of your misery by saying that I’m not enjoying this either, we

don’t have to speak, we

don’t have to speak.

So let me hear you through your silences. 

We don’t have to speak and,

They say talk is cheap so,

Put your money where your mouth is and let your actions prove your friendship.

Let your actions prove your friendship,

Let our actions prove our friendship, like…

Like the times when you and your best friend simultaneously notice something really crazy, but it would be way too inappropriate to say anything right at that moment, so you just give each other ‘the look’ and you’ve already spoken a thousand words.

Let’s be like that.

I wish I were an extrovert ‘cos, then I wouldn’t be so misunderstood.

“What? You can’t be an introvert, you’re way too confident” … as if the two are mutually exclusive but, how do you explain to someone who, based on following you on social media thinks that they know you better than the cracked and crooked mirror in your bedroom which you always wake up to, that a confident introvert is actually a thing?

Now, how do you explain to this same person that my mirror is crooked cos it’s tired of seeing my fake… I mean face, I’ve been wearing masks cos I’m afraid of how scared I am of things that other people are okay with…

Like,

Phone calls.

Phone calls make me uncomfortable but I still think that I hold good conversation.

Like,

Space. I NEED my personal space but don’t want to be alone.

Like,

Tolerance.

I love you. But sometimes I love you in smaller doses.

Like,

Secrets.

I don’t trust you.

Alicia keys told me to think of her as the pages in my diary but,

That line of thinking is faulty ‘cos,

My diary doesn’t have the capability to spread the word unless I gave it authority.

My diary won’t tell me it’s over and then use my vulnerabilities as ammunition for manipulation.

My diary won’t accidentally forget about the times that we swore not to tell with our pinkies, so I promise, that I really want to tell you my secrets but I just can’t.

 

I wish I were an extrovert, ‘cos, being an introvert is so hard to define.

You’d think a poet of all people could articulate what’s really going on in her mind, but

It took me almost 2 years to write this and I still don’t think I’ve written it right,

But really, do I have a right to define what is creatively right? Wrong,

Great. Introversion is hard to define cos it’s a perfectionist.

Introversion’s best friends are oxymoron and rubix cube and their company is corrupting her character,

Introversion is everything deep.

From deep thinking to deep feeling to deep writing to re-writing to ripping up the pages and starting all over again… Introversion is everything deep- from deep thinking to deep feeling to deep writing to deep artistry, it’s,

Allowing your gift of words to send you into a dark damp hole of overthinking nothingness and then allowing that same gift to speak life into your weary bones, to give you strength to carry on in this world’s wickedness,

Introversion is music, passion, bravery and loyalty. It’s choosing your inner circle with the finest detail and then being dammed if you ever let them leave, they are prisoners to your

beautifully bold, underlined, italic and unique.

But sometimes,

I wish I were an extrovert.

 

Check out more from Izzy on her Youtube channel, follow her on Twitter.

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