Journal: Somebody That I Used To Know
This entry was inspired by my lovely ladies Dara and Debrae (You should check it out here and here) who both recently posted their videos on how they dealt with their heartbreak so I thought I’d share how I SHOULD’VE dealt with mine .
So, my first and last heartbreak (because the next guy will be my husband. Ain’t kissing no more frogs because I am a princess, I claim it. Amen) happened between end of first year uni and that same summer (so basically summer 2014). Prior to this, I was never “deep” with anyone. Like, I could literally get over someone in a week or two. I’d cut you off and keep it moving however I genuinely liked this guy.
The day I realised that I had genuine feelings for him was when him and I had ‘the ‘serious’ talk’ (we had had several talks but this was serious talk el oh el). The next day two of my girls came round to mine to check up on me, I literally BAWLED my eyes out. I cried and cried and I could not even stop. It was peak. What’s even more embarrassing is I didn’t know there were people in my corridor, so I ran into my room from the kitchen, and I just see bare people staring. EMBARASSING. Nobody had ever seen me cry. My friend literally had to sleepover that night. In fact, I refused to sleep alone for a while because I needed distractions. They would sleep over at mine in turns or they would wait till I fell asleep then left (I love my friends). Even when my friend and I were bantering about it the other day in Waggers (Wagamama), she told me “No, Eden that was bad like I have never seen you upset like that”. So yeah that gives you an idea of how much I liked him.
First and foremost, pray for healing. “Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them”(Mark 11:24). A broken heart hurts and it’s emotionally draining. For a while, I would ask God ‘why me? I don’t deserve to feel like this. Why can’t I just be over it already?’ and then afterwards, I just stopped asking bare questions and I would just pray for healing. Day by day things got easier. Prayer is the best way to communicate with God, it’s that intimate, one on one moment that you get with God to just let it all out. Constant prayer is mandatory, even in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 it says “Pray without ceasing”. Dunno about anyone else, but when I haven’t spent time in the presence of God for a while, I feel some type of way, and SOMETHING always happens that shouldn’t have happened.
Get yourself into that Godly environment ASAP. Surround yourself with Godly people, and Godly friends. Godly soul ties are good stuff. You don’t need to confide in everyone in this Godly environment of yours. Just being in that atmosphere will change a lot. I wish I did this from the get go, because I’m sure this would’ve avoided many things. “Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”(1 Corinthians 15:33). Let’s just say I did quite a few things that summer that shouldn’t have been done, due to me being around the wrong people.
I also spent too much time and energy being angry with the guy whilst he was dilly dally-ing about h’enjoying life. Anytime somebody brought him up, I would use every insult in the book to cuss him out. So yeah second tip peoples “my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20). When you’re angry (and this is not just in a heartbreak, in life in general) be EXTREMELY slow to speak. I said a bunch of things I shouldn’t have said, and not even to his face (moist right). I really need to be careful with what I say and even till today because “what comes out of your mouth proceeds from the heart and this defiles a person” (Mathew 15:18, Proverbs 18:21)). When we made up and became civil, I felt real bad for what I said. I can’t even begin to imagine how upset God was with me because it was so unholy. The devil really found somebody to devour boy (1 Peter 5:8)
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT find other alternatives especially ones that God does not condone in order to make you feel better (Galatians 5:19-21). By alternatives, I mean getting drunk, drugs, wild parties, sex, making him/her jealous, getting with other people, social media rants, etc. I’m not going to say what I did but if you would like to know, read my other entries (gotcha!). All those things don’t show any self-love to be honest and I cannot emphasise how important it is to love yourself. It also shows that you’re spending too much time focusing on the other person rather than yourself. “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). All these ungodly things will not only ruin you physically, but emotionally too.
Be HONEST with yourself and with the people around you. My cousin and I were having this conversation the other day and he said to me that I am not honest with myself. And I was so defensive about it when he told me that but, I’ve deeped it, it’s slyly true. I have the tendency to make myself think “it’s calm” or “it’s not that deep”, when sometimes IT’S DEEP. When I’m in my happy bubble, I like to avoid things, and walk away because I don’t want my bubble to be burst. Be honest with yourself with everything and even when you’re talking to God, be honest. You can’t lie or fool God, because He knows you better than you know yourself at the end of the day. Proverbs 12:22 says “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, But those who deal truthfully are His delight“. On a reals, when you’re not being honest, you’re lying. To add on to that, when your bredrin asks you if you’re okay, SAY THE TRUTH. Don’t stunt, don’t lie. If you aren’t being 100% with yourself and the people around you, you will end up holding it all in and bawling out the way I did, because you will be deceived by your own lies.
Do not compromise the way you feel for other people. By this I mean, don’t put yourself in uncomfortable situations for other people’s comfort. We have mutual friends, and because I didn’t want to be ‘complicating’ I’d allow myself to be in certain environments where he was so we could all be together as ‘friends’. DEAD. Don’t do that. God cares about how you feel, and God knew that I was not ‘okay’ to be in the same space, but my airheaded self didn’t listen. I did want to be there, and sometimes I did the inviting because I wanted to show that I’m “over it”. If God is telling you no, I know it’s easier said than done but just don’t (I wish I listened to my own advice sometimes). God has your best interest at heart. I was talking to my friend the other day (shout out to Dion) and he was reminding me that God knows me so well to the point that all the hairs on my hair are numbered (Matthew 10:30). If He knows you shouldn’t be in a certain place then don’t force it.
Everyone’s situation is different, but I needed closure. I needed ‘the talk’, because I had a lot of questions. Call me weird, but I wrote everything I wanted to ask him on my phone and I made sure that before he left, every piece of information I personally required was given to me. Although, I heard some things that I didn’t want to hear, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and it was nice to just have it all out in the open.
I left this one till last because it’s something that I found very difficult to do. Forgiveness. You need to forgive the other person. I can definitely say it took me a good 8-9 months to forgive him. For me to hold a grudge it must’ve been deep. The reason I say be honest with the people around you is because, for a long time I made him and close friends believe that I forgave him but really it was something that ate me up inside. I would say that I’ve forgiven him, when really deep down it was a lie. I got over the whole thing COMPLETELY, once second year summer hit. My summer was LIT. Forgiving somebody only makes you feel better because, it’s not longer your problem anymore. Time heals.
If you are going through a heartbreak, not necessarily boyfriend/girlfriend kinda heartbreak but even from a friend or a family member, I hope this post has helped you, feel free to comment, like and share. Any prayer requests feel free to contact us or connect with me.
If you would like to share your stories, do not hesitate to contact Lively Stones x