My Journal, a Pen & Psalm 40
I waited a long time for the Eternal;
He finally knelt down to hear me.
He listened to my weak and whispered cry.
Yes, I waited and trust me I had no right to get upset. As I waited patiently I fixed my eyes on Yahweh. Now thinking about it, I guess that was the point. To fix my eyes back to Him. One day became one week and One week became a month. I had not visited my sanctuary. My Holy place, my place of Rest, My Eden. Throwing all my cares and anxieties to Him, reconnecting with my maker. I cried for restoration, healing and peace. Then I heard it, quiet yet clear, “Be Loosed”.
He reached down and drew me
from the deep, dark hole where I was stranded, mired in the muck and clay.
With a gentle hand, He pulled me out.
To set me down safely on a warm rock;
He held me until I was steady enough to continue the journey again
At this moment He armed me with strength, making sure I’m as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. Where was fear of heights? LOOSED! I was above. I was lifted because He was lifted. I was lifted because I looked up. I was lifted because He reached down to me. He pulled me out of every identity weighing me down. Every stronghold weakening my legs from walking. I was steady. Yes, I was steady. Now I can walk. Who said Jesus does not perform miracles? I feel like the paralysed man in Mark 2. I am forgiven and now I can walk. I have never seen anything like this.
As if that were not enough,
because of Him my mind is clearing up.
Now I have a new song to sing—
a song of praise to the One who saved me.
Because of what He’s done, many people will see
and come to trust in the Eternal.
My mind is being loosed. My mind is free. Those voices, I hear them no more. My thoughts are beginning to obey God. My mind is being renewed. My mind is singing songs and my mouth is catching up; “Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father, There is no shadow of turning with Thee; Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not, as Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be”. My lips are moving. Yes, I can sing a new song. I have been loosed to worship. No more guilt or shame. Thank you, Jesus! Your grace frees me to worship.
Surely those who trust the Eternal—
who don’t trust in proud, powerful people
Or in people who care little for reality, chasing false gods—
surely they are happy, as I have become.
I TRUST YOU LORD. “Those who trust in you are like Mount Zion which cannot be moved but abides forever”. Hence I cannot call on your name and end up in shame. NO WAY!
You have done so many wonderful things,
had so many tender thoughts toward us, Eternal my God,
that go on and on, ever increasing.
Who can compare with You?
Forgiveness is possible. How can You still think good thoughts towards me. It’s possible to forgive and think good thoughts about the person who wronged me. It is. You are amazing. Literally no one can be compared to you. Please teach me this lifestyle. My thoughts are submitted to you. Take control Lord.
Sacrifices and offerings are not what You want,
but You’ve opened my ears,[a] and now I understand.
Burnt offerings and sin offerings
are not what please You.
So I said, “See, I have come to do Your will,
as it is inscribed of me in the scroll.
I am pleased to live how You want, my God.
Your law is etched into my heart and my soul.”
It’s not the religious activities that gladdens your heart. It’s my LIFESTYLE. Ground breaking revelation. It’s always nice to serve and do all these things outside but in my closet, what’s my life saying. I’m not going to lie, It’ so easy praying in front of others. Man, my prayers are FIREEEEE!!! But it’s a struggle praying in my closet. I get tired, I get sleepy. I guess it’s discipline and consistency and OBVIOUSLY the help of the Holy Spirit. Without Him, I definitely cannot pray. A broken and a contrite heart, that you would not despise.
I have encouraged Your people with the message of righteousness,
in Your great assembly (look and see),
I haven’t kept quiet about these things;
You know this, Eternal One.
I have not kept Your righteousness to myself, sealed up in the secret places of my heart;
instead, I boldly tell others how You save and how loyal You are.
I haven’t been shy to talk about Your love, nor have I been afraid to tell Your truth
before the great assembly of Your people.
I try my best to share but on social media. However, since I moved to a new city, it’s been hard evangelising. My friends are not here. No motivation. It’s really been hard. I always try to smile at my neighbour, offer help where I can but that’s not enough sometimes. I want to say “Hey Jesus loves you, do you know why?” I want to share the Love of God and it should not be that hard. But I have a little secret. Do not tell anyone. I’m intimidated sometimes by the culture around me. I am over 4,000 miles way from home. I have a different accent here. I feel like they don’t understand me when I speak. I remember sharing the gospel one time in uni and this white guy was literally saying “Pardon” after every 2 sentences I made. That was embarrassing. Sometimes I just stick to social media but I hear you saying you are taking me away from that to an unfamiliar place and all I can say is ‘thank You Lord, I’ll follow your lead, although I get scared sometimes, it doesn’t mean I don’t have faith in you. I do trust you. Just lead me’.
Please, Eternal One, don’t hold back
Your kind ways from me.
I need Your strong love and truth
to stand watch over me and keep me from harm.
Right now I can’t see because I am surrounded by troubles;
my sins and shortcomings have caught up to me,
so I am swimming in darkness.
Like the hairs on my head, there are too many to count,
so my heart deserts me.
Let your truth and love watch over me like the Pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night just like you watched over the Israelites. No one was able to touch them. There are so many troubles surrounding me; issues upon issues. I want to run away but you’ve taught me not to run. I’ll stand in the face of adversity and speak Jesus. I am swimming in darkness but I remember you saying “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil”. I am light and darkness cannot comprehend me. “Though my heart may fail me, you are my strength and portion”. Forevermore.
O Eternal One, please rescue me.
O Eternal One, hurry; I need Your help.
May those who are trying to destroy me
be humiliated and ashamed instead;
May those who want to ruin my reputation
be cut off and embarrassed.
May those who try to catch me off guard,
those who look at me and say, “Aha, we’ve trapped you,”
be caught in their own shame instead.
They gather but they gather not in the name of the Lord, so why should I fear? I will keep my mind alert and sober. Yes, the devil is seeking whom to devour but a Christian focused on Jesus is safe in Jesus. The devil will never devour me. He will never laugh at my downfall. The righteous hand of God protects me. People want to see me fail, humiliated and ashamed but I stand on God’s word “Arise and Shine, for your light has come and the glory of the Lord is risen upon you”. I will arise!
But may all who look for You
discover true joy and happiness in You;
May those who cherish how You save them
always say, “O Eternal One, You are great and are first in our hearts.”
Meanwhile, I am empty and need so much,
but I know the Lord is thinking of me.
You are my help; only You can save me, my True God.
I know I’m safe in You.